


Learning to Love (Again)

by authoressstarlight



Category: InuYasha - A Feudal Fairy Tale
Genre: Developing Relationship, Doubt, F/M, Feelings Realization, Gosh I'm sooo late guys, Hurt/Comfort, I'm late I know, Inukag Week 2020, Light Angst, My First Work in This Fandom, Rated T for swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-13
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:08:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24695788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/authoressstarlight/pseuds/authoressstarlight
Summary: For Inukag Week 2020. A small series of oneshots depicting both the growing emotional bond between Inuyasha and Kagome throughout their journey and the difficulties it has to face and overcome.
Relationships: Higurashi Kagome/InuYasha
Comments: 10
Kudos: 38





	1. Acceptance

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, yeah, I know I'm really late to this party, since it's already Saturday ... but hey, it's still Inukag Week, so it still counts, right? Even though I know I'll never finish it on time, but well, at least I tried.  
> I've chosen the development and the ups and downs of Inuyasha's and Kagome's relationship and the problems both have to face, so the oneshots are in a chronological order, starting with the beginning of their friendship shortly after they've met for the first time and ending with their married life/Kagome staying in the Feudal Era for good.  
> This is my first Inuyasha Work, so I hope y'all will enjoy it!

**Acceptance**

“Would you finally stop fighting my battles for me, wench!” Inuyasha snaps. “I can fend for myself!”

He hates himself for slightly flinching when her gaze fixes him. It’s the one thing that scares and at the same time fascinates him the most about this strange girl. Kagome is easy-going, naïve, way too talkative for his taste and the arrows she fires completely lack even the slightest spiritual flame – but oh, does the fire burn in her eyes and spirit instead. He can sense it sometimes; the raw power radiating off her body like an aura of heat when she gets angered or agitated … and it’s the strongest in situations like the one before, when some stupid humans fling insults and comments at him he doesn’t even hear anymore, leading her to waste her energy again and again on countering and arguing in an icy tone completely contrasting the flames that make her normally warm and calming brown eyes appear like they’re about to burn a hole into your skin.

And now, it’s him who’s been foolish enough to draw that gaze to him. Stubbornly, he lifts his chin, glaring right back.

“I mean it!” he adds, proud of how menacing he makes his voice sound. “Back off, will ya?! I don’t need no stupid human girl to meddle with my affairs!”

But it doesn’t matter he used his most dangerous growl and repeatedly bared his fangs to get his point across. She looks as unimpressed as ever.

“Meddle?!” she repeats. “Ha! As if it even _was_ anything I could meddle with! After all, you don’t ever do even the slightest something! How can someone with an ego as big as yours just keep walking like that when they’re being discriminated against?!”

“ … Dis-cri-mi … what now?! Making up words to make yourself sound fancier?!”

Kagome stomps her foot onto the ground. “Stop it, will you?! I told you that we use those words where I come from! And ‘discriminated’ means bullied for the simple reason of who you are! Do you think you can get me to just stand by and watch those rude people just throw insults and things at you when you’ve done nothing wrong?!”

Alright. Maybe he just has to use threats again.

“You _will_ stand by, wench, if you don’t want me to lose my temper on _you_ instead of them!”

“Ooooooooh, now you’ve scared me to death!” Kagome replies dryly, voice dripping with sarcasm.

Damn it! Stupid girl! Why is she not even the slightest bit afraid of him?

“You can threaten me all you like, mister, point is that I won’t stand down if I witness a friend of mine being insulted like that! Got that? Good! Now be quiet and eat your food!” She shoves a bowl filled with some kind of broth into his hands and stomps off to the river to refill their water bottles.

“I’m not your _friend_ , wench!”

“Well, have it your way then!” she shouts, eyes blazing. “I don’t care!”

“FINE!” Inuyasha yells back, feeling a slight sting in his chest. Why’s she giving in that easily now? Usually she keeps arguing her point until even she gets tired. But now, when he challenges her claim that they’re friends, she does nothing.

Keh. She didn’t mean it anyway, he muses, chewing on his food. If she had, she would have defended it more. And why would he even need friends? He’s never had them and he got by well enough. He doesn’t need nobody.

Inuyasha pointedly ignores Kagome when she finally sits down next to him again, instead concentrating on his food. He feels her gaze on him though, watching him, gently coaxing but not forcing. Just waiting until he would be ready to talk.

Somehow, this is even harder to fight off than her anger.

“I just don’t want you to concern yourself with things that don’t concern you, okay?!” he hisses. “They’re throwing those comments at _me_ , not you!”

“I don’t care who they are throwing them at. Those comments bother me, so I bother with them in return.”

“Keh! _I_ don’t even care what they’re saying! I don’t care, Kagome! I’ve heard it all my life, okay?! So why should _you_ waste your energy on it?! It’s not like they’re telling untruths either!”

“Listen, you,” she says. “I think it’s time for you to finally start to accept and love yourself just the way you are. They _are_ telling untruths because nothing’s wrong or disgusting or abominable about you. Okay? Nothing gives those people the right to speak to you that way, absolutely nothing.”

Not for the first time, Inuyasha is lost for words. Never before has someone talked to him like that. Does she even understand what she’s saying? Her smile and her gentle hand on his shoulder tell him she does. But how … why … ?

“I give up, you’re really a hopeless case, wench,” he huffs, but it lacks all bite. And of course she notices, and laughs, a beautiful sound that rings right through his body, filling him with warmth and calm.

“Just trust me, Inuyasha. You’re fine the way you are, really. Or would I be travelling with you if you weren’t?”

“ … Keh!” is all he manages to shoot back. She really is a strange girl, talking nonsense all the time, not even caring about him being … what he is. But trust her? A girl who looks so much like the last person who betrayed him?

Somehow, something inside him tells him he really should try.


	2. Loyalty

**Loyalty**

It’s times like these that dredge up memories she has tried and tried again to bury inside her mind forever.

It’s so silly, really. Inuyasha and her argue all the time over all kinds of stupid things, but one particularly harsh fight over a broken cooking pot is enough to drag up her worst nightmare again.

Kagome sighs, shaking her head. She’s even had no chance to make up with him because he has run off into the forest and not returned until everyone went to sleep. Even now, he still seems to be absent. The familiar outline of him leaning against one of the trees and dozing with his sword at the ready is nowhere to be seen; it’s just her, Miroku, Sango and Shippo.

Slowly, she gets up, careful not to disturb the sleeping fox child, and quietly walks off into the trees. She needs to clear her mind before she can go back to sleep.

The cool nightly breeze gently caresses her skin and hair, and she takes a deep breath, smelling the wood of the trees and the damp earth, listening to the sound of the leaves rustling, letting the calm of nature soothe the lingering dread her dream has left in her limbs. She can still see Kikyo’s cold eyes in front of her, hear her icy voice. Never has somebody looked at her like that before; with so much despise and hatred.

“ _You are me. It’s better that there be only one in the world.”_

Kagome clutches her trembling hands to her chest. She has never told Inuyasha what exactly happened that night. It’s not that she doesn’t trust him, it’s just that … that he would never believe her. He would get angry and defend Kikyo, tell her that surely, she must have been imagining the glint she saw in his former lover’s eyes right then: the intention to kill. But she hasn’t. She _knows_ she hasn’t.

By now, she has reached the small stream where Sango and her fetched water earlier tonight. It’s so quiet, so peaceful that if she would close her eyes, she could pretend everything was fine and there was no evil in this world.

Was it the right decision? To stay here with a man who is still not free of his past? Was it right to choose to continue to stay with somebody who demands loyalty and yet cannot give it himself? Who is so often cruel to her? Maybe she’s been on the wrong path all along. Maybe her promise to stay with him was foolish. Maybe she should break it and just go home.

She sighs, outstretching a hand, her fingers just barely touching the surface of the cold clean water. She cannot. She knows she cannot. The feelings she holds for him are too strong; they hold a loyalty that she can never fight, because she does not want to. She would break if she left him … or if he were to leave her. Which is not so unlikely, considering he has never stayed away for so long after one of their fights.

Without even realizing it, her eyes have filled with tears that are now flowing down her cheeks, the coolness of them soothing yet burning at the same time. Why is she so loyal to someone like that; someone who can completely drop her to continue chasing after a phantom of his past, a phantom that has even attempted to kill her? Why can’t she just let go and go back to her world to go on a date with Hojo or go with Koga the next time he pays them a visit? Both men have proven to be far more loyal and true to their feelings than Inuyasha.

But she can’t! She can’t leave him! He’s … he’s everything! Even if he’s being huffy or unkind or annoying; she … she just cannot change that she loves him, with all his faults and habits.

“Hey! What do you think you’re doing, wench?!”

She jumps to her feet immediately, hastily wiping across her face before turning around to face a glowering Inuyasha.

“Where’re your arrows, stupid? Do you _wanna_ pass the jewel shards to a demon and get killed or what?”

“I … I’m sorry,” Kagome says. “I had a bad dream and wanted to get a clear mind again. I didn’t think.”

He gives a snort and crosses his arms, inspecting her. She lowers her head to avoid the piercing gaze of his golden eyes.

“ … You … you okay?” he asks gruffly.

“I’m fine.”

His glower gets even darker. “I can still smell your tears, you know.”

Kagome flinches. “I … it’s … it’s nothing.”

“… Keh! Have it your way then!” He moves as if to turn around and walk away again, but then apparently decides against it, instead reaching into his robe to pull something out … a small cooking pot.

“Here,” he grumbles and passes it to her. “A replacement for the one I broke. Took me ages to find a village where they were tolerant enough to sell me something so you better take good care of it, got it?”

Kagome stares at it, left speechless for a good long moment.

“Y-You … “ She worries her bottom lip with her teeth, clutching the pot against her chest. “ _That’s_ why you were gone for so long? To get a new one?”

Inuyasha rolls his eyes. “Yeah, why else?” He smirks when she doesn’t answer, apparently guessing her thoughts. “Stupid. Did you think you could get rid of me that easily?”

“Thanks,” Kagome whispers, eyes starting to burn again. “Thank you.”

“Ugh … um … stop being so mushy all of the sudden! It’s no big deal, okay?!” It’s amazing how quickly he’s whipped around so she would not be able to see his face anymore, but Kagome has still caught the slight blush on his cheeks and cannot suppress a smile.

“A-Anyway, let’s get back, alright? It’s freezing!”

He’s stomping off towards the forest so quickly that Kagome has difficulties to keep up with him. As soon as he notices however, he starts to slow down again, adjusting to the pace of her steps and allowing them to walk side by side.

“Say, Kagome … “ he murmurs.

“Hmm?”

“Were you crying because of your dream?”

She hesitates, contemplating for a few moments before she softly answers.

“Something like that.”

“What was it about?”

Kagome again thinks of dark eyes and cruel words and ice-cold fingers grabbing at her neck and cannot suppress the shiver that runs through her body. She tentatively takes his hand, desperately wanting to be able to feel the warmth, the safety he is always radiating.

“One day, I’m going to tell you. I promise.”

Inuyasha stays quiet for a few moments. Then, he gently, very gently wraps his fingers tighter around hers, giving a slight squeeze. A quiet affirmation.

They walk the rest of the way back to the camp in peaceful silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This idea came to me because I never liked how the impact this particular event would have left on Kagome was simply ignored and the whole thing was never mentioned again.


	3. Confession

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back!!  
> Real life came crushing in like never before: exams, essays, then I was on holiday ... finally, I have enough free time again to continue with this story. So sorry for the long absence, the next chapters shouldn't take as long!

**Confession**

Inuyasha has always liked how Kagome looks when she’s asleep. The way her delicate features soften with peace and calm, her eyelashes painting gentle shadows onto her cheeks while her body rises and falls with deep and steady breaths – he has memorized it all to the last detail. But looking at her sleeping form now causes him nothing but the deep, painful and stinging feeling of guilt and regret.

He has failed her. He has let her get into danger. He has left her unprotected and allowed Kagura and the Infant to harm her. It’s his fault she’s now lying here on a futon in Kaede’s hut, in a sleep she hasn’t reawakened from for two days now; a sleep so deep it resembles death itself. And it almost would have been, he remembers with a sudden chill creeping into his limbs. Kaede says it’s only due to Kagome’s strength that the exhaustion from the fight against the Infant hasn’t killed her. To think of what would have happened if she would have been just a bit weaker or if he would have arrived just a few moments later … to think of how close he has been to losing her … to think that this is not the first time he’s been keeping a silent watch beside her unmoving body …

He shifts slightly, pulling Tessaiga closer to him, not taking his eyes off Kagome for even a single second. He owes her this much at least. Not to look away from the pain he has caused her, but face it, take it in, at least _try_ to suffer as she has suffered because of him. If it weren’t for his stupidity, she would be awake, laughing together with Sango or scolding him for being impolite. There would be a healthy blush on her cheeks, steadiness in her hands as she would lay them on his shoulders to calm him, encourage him, guide him. There would be so much light and warmth in her eyes and in his world.

But instead, there is darkness and only darkness. Every ounce of crimson has left her beautiful features, leaving her dark hair and lashes an unnaturally stark contrast to her pale, white skin. Inuyasha hates it. She’s not supposed to be like that. Paleness, stillness … these are all things he associates with Kikyo. Kikyo is the one who’s holding – has held – the eerily calm aura of death. Not Kagome. Kagome is warmth, Kagome is energy, Kagome is laughter. Kagome is _life._

And not just life. _His_ life. Kikyo has been taken from him and her loss has cut into his chest like the blade of Tessaiga and yet, he’s still here, living, breathing. If _she_ were to leave him however … he would follow her straight to the Netherworld, as a world without Kagome is not worth living in. He did try to do the same for Kikyo once, he remembers, at a time where he believed that Kikyo was his life. But it’s not true, it’s never been true. It’s always been Kagome. Gentle, kind, brave, energetic Kagome.

Her hand twitches lightly as a frown starts to appear between her eyebrows and she lets out a small, distressed noise full of fear that echoes in his ears as if she would have let out a cry. She’s in pain, all because of him and his stupidity, his inability to learn from his past mistakes.

“K-Kagome?”

His voice is rough with disuse and unusually shaky. Her hand twitches again and it dawns on him that she’s probably having a nightmare and cannot hear him.

“You’ve nothing to worry about, okay?” he tells her. “I’m here. I’ll protect you.”

She doesn’t answer of course, but slowly, ever so slowly, her pained frown disappears. She shifts slightly on the futon, then goes still again.

“How is she?”

Miroku has entered the hut, arms laden with firewood.

“Has she woken up yet?”

Inuyasha shakes his head, reaching out his hand to brush aside a strand of silken, black hair that has fallen into her face. He hears the monk approach and crouch down next to him, laying a comforting hand upon his shoulder.

“Go and get some fresh air.”

Inuyasha shakes his head again, clutching her hand even tighter. “I won’t leave her side. Not anymore.”

His friend is silent for a few seconds. “Inuyasha … this is not your fault. I’m sure she would tell you the same if she were awake right now.”

He cannot answer. His throat is closed up, not letting even the smallest sound go through.

Miroku sighs. “I’ll be outside, helping Kaede. If you need rest, just say the word and me or Sango will take over.”

He manages a stiff nod, listening to the rustling of fabric as Miroku stands up again, and his fading footsteps as he leaves. Then, he looks down onto Kagome’s sleeping face again.

The gentle yet burning feeling of tears in his eyes and on his cheeks is still foreign to him, but he doesn’t try to fight them this time. He lets them flow, lips pressed together as he feels his face contort with the feelings he can’t speak out. Slowly, he gathers her body in his arms, cradling her against his chest. Even her sweet scent is barely detectable now – another testament to how close she has been to the Netherworld, he thinks as his chest clenches again.

“Stupid wench!” he manages to get out and with the usual force and anger missing, it sounds oddly broken. “What were you thinking, wandering off like that, huh?”

She lays in his arms, silent, still, almost peaceful, not even aware of how much she means to him – and how could she even be? He has never told her.

“You can’t leave me like that again, y’ hear?” he hears himself say as he holds her even closer. “I can’t lose you like that again.” His voice fades into a whisper as he buries his face in her hair and the next words that leave his lips feel like a long overdue confession, a variation of those damned three words he has buried so deeply inside himself after Kikyo’s betrayal that he can never say them again.

“You’re everything.”

When Miroku returns an hour later, he finds Inuyasha at exactly the same spot he has been the whole day, his hand still holding Kagome’s and his face still bearing the marks of worry, while his chest rises and falls with the breaths of the sleep of exhaustion. The monk doesn’t even try to move him away from her and into a more comfortable position. Instead, he simply covers him with a blanket before silently leaving for Sango and Shippo, knowing that, even if her guardian is asleep right now, Kagome is under the fiercest protection she could ever have.

They’ll both be just fine. He’s sure of it.


	4. Instinct

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another chapter! Hope nobody's too much out of character; especially Inuyasha is very difficult to write sometimes!

**Instinct**

_… Okay. Try again._

Kagome closes her eyes as she focusses on directing the pure, bright power that’s vibrating in every fibre of her body into the bow and the arrow that she’s about to shoot. And, like all the other times before, she manages it flawlessly … until she reaches that certain point, and this time, she feels it even more clearly than before: the unnaturally sudden drop and then complete halt of the flow even though her concentration this whole time did not waver for even one second.

She presses her lips together, her bowstring singing as she lets go, the brightly glowing arrow embedding itself exactly in the middle of the tree trunk, next to the other dozen she’s already fired. Kagome sighs, letting her bow clatter to the ground. If only she would know what she’s doing wrong. Is she not concentrating right? Does she still not have enough control over the flow of her spiritual energy? Or is the reason her power suddenly runs out simply that she’s reached her limits?

_Alright. Get it together. You just need more training._

Kagome closes her eyes again, feeling the flow and pulse of the spiritual power residing in her veins and folds her hands in front of her chest as she dives deep into the feel of it, exploring its force, its depth, trying to bundle it all up. She lets herself fall even into the bright light even further, much further than she has ever done before, letting it float to the surface and into her palms and she can’t believe it, she’s so close, so close to have it burst out of her, this time even without the support of an object to channel it into, and it doesn’t seem to have a limit, keeps flowing and flowing, she’s got it, she’s got it this time –

– and then, suddenly, something inside her _shuts._

Sharp pain explodes in her head, the agony of it letting a choked scream leave her lips as her instincts suddenly turn against her and push her back with a force that nearly has her lose consciousness. She tries to fight back, but whatever it is, it is too strong, her struggles being just a light nudge on what appears to be an endless barrier of pain; pain that is now so strong it feels like her head is splitting apart with it as she desperately fights back the encroaching darkness and slowly, so very slowly and painfully, she’s able to come back to herself again, out of breath, her body shaking like a leaf, cool ground pressing against her cheek – when did she fall? – and before she can even move, a shout of “Kagome!” cuts through the silent air around the small temple as, in a blur of red and silver, a tall figure lands right in front of her, their back turned to her.

“ … Inu … yasha?” she hears herself whisper through the daze that’s still ringing in her ears. “What … ?”

“I heard you scream, did you get attacked?!” he growls, a flash of gold accompanying his words as he draws Tessaiga. “Was it a demon?! I’ll cut it in half!”

Kagome blinks. “ … Demon? … Oh, no. There wasn’t any demon here. I’m fine.”

He turns around, confused. “Huh?”

“I was just … training a bit too hard, I think … “

Kagome grimaces as another searing pain shoots through her head. She moves to get up, but falters, her shaky legs buckling underneath her weight, only being stopped from giving in again by a strong arm wrapping around her waist, holding her steady.

“Careful, idiot!”

Inuyasha’s voice is rough as always, but his golden eyes hold concern when they roam over her pale, tired face and his hand is gentle when touching her forehead, checking for a possible fever.

“Saw that coming ages ago. You should ‘ve slept all those nights instead of shooting arrows into trees.”

Her eyes widen. “You’ve noticed me training?”

“Keh! Whaddaya think, wench? I told you like a million times already that there ain’t no chance anybody can just sneak past me, even when I’m dozing. Anyway, overexerting yourself isn’t a good way of training, stupid. You’ll only tire yourself out that way.”

Kagome presses her lips together. “That’s exactly why I did it in secret. Because I knew you wouldn’t understand. I _need_ this kind of training.”

“Stop talking nonsense, wench, you’re already a master archer.”

“Oh, yeah, like that’s even the _point_!”

The anger rushing through her veins is so strong that she doesn’t even notice the very unusual occurrence of Inuyasha paying her a compliment. Instead, she turns away from him, walking a few steps towards the temple, her frustration increasing even further as she feels the hakama of the too large Miko outfit she’s wearing dragging on the floor behind her – oh, how she _hates_ wearing this scratchy, baggy attire, even if it’s just for the short amount of time her own clothes need to dry from the wash. The garb has so obviously been tailored for a woman who’s much taller than her, in turn making _her_ feel like she’s somehow … lacking. Insignificant.

Her gaze falls onto one of the painting adorning the temple’s walls, the one she knows by heart right now because she’s spent hours staring at it – the painting of a beautiful woman whose posture shows so much more strength, whose bow and arrows hold so much more energy; a woman whose features are so much alike and yet so different to her own. How can she ever live up to that? How is she ever supposed to become a real, true Miko like _her_ if she can’t even control her own power?!

“Hey!”

Hurried footsteps, and then, Inuyasha’s directly in front of her again, golden eyes angry and at the same time deeply upset. “Stop that! Stop crying!”

“ … Huh?”

She lifts her hand up to her cheek and is surprised to really find them damp. When has she begun to cry?

“Sorry,” she breathes and moves to dry her face with her handkerchief, but Inuyasha is quicker, pulling the piece of fabric out of her hands and running it gently across her cheeks, delicately dabbing every single trace her tears have left away.

“Stupid,” he murmurs. “You’re so stupid, you know that?”

But his voice betrays him, as unusually soft as it is, and somehow, that’s all it takes to melt away the last remains of her resistance. She’s never felt it so strongly as she does now: that somehow, alongside all of the fights and the endless bickering, he has become the strongest anchor of her life, and she sinks forward, against his chest and into the safety his proximity is always giving her, feeling the familiar calm she always feels when she’s near him this way wash over her and soothe the whirling, anxious thoughts in her head.

“K-Kago … me … ?”

They’ve embraced so often by now, but the surprise is still there in his voice and body; surprise that she would want to be close to him, the half breed, the outsider. Maybe, it will never be completely gone, she thinks with a pang of sadness as she buries her head in the crook of his neck.

“Would you … would you mind holding me? Just for a bit?”

He doesn’t reply, but his arms come up, wrapping themselves carefully around her frame.

“Stupid,” he says again, still in that unbelievably gentle tone. “Stupid wench. What are you even doing, huh?”

She exhales, leaning against him even more.

“I can’t control it. My power. It works until a certain point and then it just … cuts off and when I continue to try to get it out, it’s like I’m running against a barrier.”

He’s silent for a few moments.

“Have you asked Kaede?”

“Yes. She doesn’t know either.” She sighs. “It’s like I’m fighting against my own instinct. Like some instinctual part of myself is deliberately working against me being able to use all of my power.”

“ … Keh. Doesn’t matter. You’re already as powerful as it gets for a Miko.”

Kagome lets out a hollow laugh. “Are you sure about that?”

“Keh! ‘Course I am, stupid.”

She sighs again. “I’m not so sure. I want to be stronger. I want to be able to fight properly, without needing help all the time. I don’t want to be the weak little girl anymore.”

“ … Idiot. As if you’ve ever been weak. Besides, I’ll protect you from any fight that’ll come your way.”

She feels her lips curl into an involuntary smile at the hint of pride in his declaration. “I know that, silly. But see, _I_ want to be able to protect myself, too. I want to be able to be by your side in battle, as an equal. I want to be able to support you. And … I want to be able to protect you, too.”

He’s quiet again, apparently taking in her words, considering them, thinking them over. Then, one of his hands buries itself in her hair, pulling her even closer to him, and she can feel his chin come to rest upon the crown of her head. She listens to the sound of his heartbeat, his breathing, breathes in his scent and closes her eyes, feeling like she could stay this way forever and still not have enough of his warmth.

“You’ll learn,” he murmurs. “You’ll learn how to break through that stupid barrier or whatever.”

 _And … you’re already protecting me, Kagome_. _More than you know._

She feels her throat close up. “ … You really think so?”

“Keh. I _know_ so.”

She smiles.

“Then who am I to doubt it, huh?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ever since I found out that Kikyo's actually six whole inches taller than Kagome (I always thought them to be at about the same height!), it's been a headcanon of mine that the Miko outfit Kaede lends to Kagome a few times throughout the series is one of Kikyo's old spares, because the robes really DO look a bit too large on her - especially the hakama - and apparently, Kikyo and Kaede have been the only Mikos at this temple (at least, there's never a mention of another priestess). This would also explain a bit better why she wears them so little and instead sticks to her school uniform, and why her mother tells her to "be herself" when she brings her her school uniform to change into before returning to the Feudal Era in Movie 1.
> 
> With this chapter, I again tried to cover a subject that I feel has been neglected especially in the anime. Kagome has never been shown training or trying to improve her skills, which I think is kind of sad, because it makes her come across as passive - which she really isn't! She's been portrayed as an independent, headstrong girl and a fighter almost from the very beginning (which, I believe, is also one of the reasons Inuyasha started to fall for her already very early on), and I don't think she would be the kind of person that idly steps aside in battle, just waiting to be saved over and over again, and never even trying to become a more able fighter.


	5. Desire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again - sorry for the wait, I forgot again how much university actually takes up of the time I normally use to write! Hope this chapter makes up for it - only two more to go after that!

**Desire**

“Are you sure you don’t want to stay for dinner?” Kagome’s mother asks with a kind smile.

“U-Uh … I … “

“He doesn’t like curry, Mama,” Kagome comes to his aid. “It’s too spicy for him, remember?”

Mrs. Higurashi claps her hands over her mouth. “Oh, of _course_. I’m so sorry, Inuyasha, it really escaped my mind. Next time you’re here, I’ll make you a big bowl of ramen to make up for it, alright?”

“ … S-Sure … uh … thanks … ?” Inuyasha murmurs.

Why’s she smiling so much? Why’s _everyone_ here smiling so much? And why does she talk to him almost like he’s a member of this family, too?

“So … ” A gentle tug on his sleeve makes him look at Kagome as her mother disappears back into the kitchen. “… you’re going back through the well, huh? Mind if I see you off?”

“ … Keh. If you want.”

Kagome beams, her eyes twinkling with so much happiness over those simple, short words of his that don’t convey even half of the light feeling of happiness that has settled in his limbs at the thought of her staying at his side for just a little longer. Inuyasha’s eyes widen as he realizes that his hand has, almost on instinct, moved to reach out and take hers – _what the hell is he doing_ – but before he can even attempt to pull it back, her smaller hand comfortably settles around it, giving a reassuring squeeze as she smiles at him.

“Then let’s go.”

It’s peacefully quiet outside on the temple’s grounds, the full moon in the dark night sky above them painting the courtyard that has become so familiar to him in a soft, silver light as they make their way across it. Inuyasha’s steps are unusually, but deliberately slow. He doesn’t want to have to let her go again just yet. Her hand still rests in his, and even though Magatsuhi’s seal now almost completely blocks the flow of her powers, he can still feel their soft pulse in the warmth she’s radiating; electrifying, yet at the same time grounding, making him feel not threatened – like he usually feels when sensing purifying energy – but anchored and safe. She’s strong, stronger than she knows, and she’s brave, but she’s also so warm and gentle and he keeps dragging her into a world full of cold and misery where her kindness is only met with harshness and disdain. Can he really tolerate such things to come near her? Even if she says that she wants to fight with him, can he allow it? Allow her to come to a world where she’ll be forced to see the horrors of war and suffering? Where she’ll be hunted and attacked?

“Look!”

Her soft, delighted voice pulls Inuyasha out of the dark thoughts and back into this quiet, peaceful surrounding where there’s no looming threat, no fight, no fear. Without question, he follows the soft tug of her hand, leading them to the other side of the courtyard, where the rustling branches of the Tree of Ages throw dark shadows onto the silvery pavement. Kagome reaches down and picks something up that looks like a dead leaf. Silly wench. What’s she up to?

“Look,” she says again and drops it into his other hand that is not intertwined with hers. He frowns.

“Wench, what – “

“The tree’s blooming!” she interrupts him before he can even finish complaining. “Look!”

Inuyasha looks down and indeed, it’s not a dead leaf, but a small, white blossom sitting on his palm. Still frowning, but also somehow intrigued, he stares down at it, taking in the fragile, delicate petals, before raising his gaze again to see that indeed, the entire tree is in full bloom, the blossoms sitting on its branches shining like thousands and thousands of tiny stars.

“In all those years, it never bloomed even once,” Kagome says softly, and he feels the familiar warmth of his cheeks flushing as she leans into his side. “In fact, the first time it bloomed was about the time we encountered Menomaru. You remember him?”

“Keh! ’Course I do. We took that bastard down together.”

She huffs out a laughter. “Guess we did.”

Her warmth becomes even more overwhelming as she rests her head against his shoulder.

“I still don’t get how you could forgive me so quickly back then for injuring you.”

Inuyasha frowns. “We already talked about that, idiot. It was just a scratch. And it wasn’t even your fault anyway.”

“Still, I hurt you. You should have just run away.”

“And left you behind?!” Anger surges through him at that thought. “He would have killed you! Besides, it would take much more than just your arrows to get me to leave your side, stupid.”

“Oh, would it indeed?” There’s a challenging tone to her voice, causing him to smirk.

“Don’t tell me you wanna get rid of me, wench?”

She sighs and he can almost feel her smile. “As if, silly. If it was up to me, we would stay together forever.”

Whatever witty retort he has planned to reply with dies immediately, as the heaviness of her admission settles into his mind, but it’s not the kind of heaviness he experienced half a century ago when Kikyo said she wanted to be with him: the kind that hits like a brick, makes his body go rigid in shock and automatically lets the thought _‘she doesn’t mean it’_ flash through his mind. Instead, it’s like the heaviness that seeps into his body just before a long sleep – quiet, warm, peaceful, like a fact they have both known and felt all along finally settling into its rightful place.

“Yeah,” he murmurs. “I’d like that.”

If only he could stay this way forever. He doesn’t want to let her go. This is where he belongs. Feeling her warmth, breathing in her smell is as necessary for him as drinking water is, and he doesn’t want to part from it, ever. The urge that is now rising to the surface inside him is already well known, but also different in the certainty that is now underlying it – the urge to protect her and keep her by his side forever. She belongs to him as he belongs to her. He knows that now. And he wants to be with her. His whole life. That is the one desire he would try to fulfil for himself, the only thing he would wish for if he were to hold the Jewel ever again. He would not wish to become a full demon anymore, no – he would wish for Kagome. Always, always Kagome.

Beside him, Kagome leans even more into his side. “I don’t want you to go just yet.”

“Idiot.” His voice is hoarse. “I have to. And you’re already getting cold anyway,” he adds as he feels her body shiver in the cold gust of wind that passes through the courtyard. “You should have put a jacket on, stupid.”

“I didn’t know we were going to stay outside that long, silly,” Kagome retorts, weakly trying to fight him as he shrugs of his red robe and wraps it carefully around her frame. “Hey! You’ve got to take that with you, you know!”

“Keh! D’ you think I don’t know that? It’s only till we reach the well.”

“I’m hardly going to get ill just from that short walk,” she argues as they walk towards the small temple that houses the old well, their hands intertwining again almost on their own now. “Still, thanks for your concern.”

“It’s not like it even _is_ concern, stupid. I just don’t wanna go through the trouble of having to brew medicine for you again.”

She wrinkles her nose. “You’re right. I think I’d rather avoid having to drink that stuff again.”

He smirks. “Clever wench.”

Kagome gives him a light nudge. “Not that I’m getting it from _you_ , silly. … oh, there we are.”

They’ve reached the well far quicker than he would have liked and what he likes even less is the rush of loss that runs through him as Kagome lets go of his hand and pulls the robe off her shoulders again, passing it back to him.

“So,” she says softly. “You’ll be off then.”

“ … Keh! Not for long. I’ll be back tomorrow to fetch you from that school or whatever.”

“Oh.” Kagome’s face falls even more and immediately, concern rises in him – has he said something wrong? “No. I … I can’t come back with you tomorrow. I have my exams, remember? It’ll take me at least ten days.”

He blinks.

“ … Ten? _Ten days?”_

“I’m sorry, Inuyasha,” she whispers. “But they are really important. I wouldn’t stay away for so long if it wasn’t necessary, you know that. Besides, with my powers blocked off like this, I’m useless to you lots anyway.”

“Stupid! How could you ever be useless?!”

She says nothing, just looks at him with this painfully sad gaze.

“Fine,” he grumbles. “I’ll give you your ten days. But only if you promise you don’t ever say you’re useless again, you idiot.”

A slow smile spreads over Kagome’s face. “Deal. And … “ A small blush settles onto her cheeks. “ … I’m sorry for pushing you away like that earlier.”

He can feel his face heat up again as the memory of … _that_ incident floods back into his mind – the feeling of her warmth, the nervousness in her scent, her sweet breath almost palpable on his lips … only to have that stupid kid burst in, effectively tearing them apart again.

But now, they’re alone.

And Kagome is almost as close as she has been back then.

Could he … could he dare … ? He wants to, but … it has already gone wrong before, hasn't it?

“Kagome … “

Her gaze is soft and unwavering and he finds himself captivated by it as she tentatively raises her hand, brushing back his hair and caressing it, before cupping his cheek, the gentleness of her touch making him unconsciously lean into it.

And before he can even react, she has risen to her tiptoes and her lips brush the skin of his other cheek in the most innocent but at the same time intimate touches, before moving away again. And the next thing he is aware of is that she’s already jumping up the stairs again, calling a last “Stay safe for me, silly!” back at him before the door shuts behind her.

Inuyasha can only stare, the last traces of the warmth her touch has left on him still burning as he slowly, disbelievingly rises a hand to his cheek.

… Stupid wench. Stupid Kagome, a mere human, always getting the better of him, the mighty, feared half-demon.

He wouldn’t have it any other way though. So he’d better get used to it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was inspired both by "All I Ask Of You" from Phantom of the Opera, and the Chinese version of "Futari no Kimochi". Both very beautiful songs that fit Inukag very well - I strongly recommend listening to them!


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